So what’s really required to gain a liquor license? Piazza Italian Market in Maryland chronicled the hoops that they had to jump, and this is just a partial list:

• Two complete sets of fingerprint cards. One set for the state of Maryland, and the other set for the FBI.
• Signatures from at least ten people approving our intention to sell alcoholic beverages. Each person must own property in and vote in the same District and Precinct as the location of the store.
• Certificate from Town Office of Planning and Zoning confirming that you are not within 1000 feet of a church, a school or a park.
• Business License, Trader’s License, Health Department Permit, & Fire Marshall Permit.
• $156.00 fee for advertising your application in the newspaper, as well as a $2,000.00 annual fee.

You can read the full list of Maryland’s liquor license requirements from Piazza Italian Market’s blog. It’s quite an eye-opener. I guess I should burn my pretend blueprints now and just settle for drinking at home.

While it’s certainly not blues guitarist Bob Log III’s finest song, Boob Scotch is one of the few that applies to this site. When Bob and his one-man-band perform Boob Scotch live, he invites women on stage to dip their boob in his drink. I’m sure Bob’s gimmick has been a success in the past, but the only boob that participated at the Atlanta show I attended was a man boob, which was still rater amusing.

Click the screen cap below to watch the Boob Scotch music video. It probably goes without saying, but it’s NSFW.

I should also point out that the side of the bottle has a genuine Sharpie autograph that reads “Jim Bedford, Distiller, 2007.” Nice touch! Also, I love the metal chain necklace on the bottle. It’s thug for life.

BOTTLE SPECIFICATIONS

CLASSIFICATION: Single Barrel Tennessee Whiskey
AGE: N/A
A.B.V.: 47% (94 proof U.S.)
SIZE: 750 mL
PRICE: $34.97
NOTES: “Rick #R-02, Barrel #7-1727, Date 5-16-07″.
Purchased on March 22, 2008. Opened the same night.

FIRST DRINK OF THE BOTTLE: It’s odor is almost neutral, although what I do smell is soft and sweet. When the whiskey first hit my tongue it tasted almost nutty, but the flavor has transformed into an acidic woodsy taste. It’s definitely not an overpowering whiskey. It’s kind of simple, but pleasurable. It would make a nice cocktail whiskey. With Jack Daniels I am doomed to be indifferent.

LAST DRINK OF THE BOTTLE: Tastes meatier than I remember, but then, this drink is coming off of the heels of a beer. The blend tastes so natural, in that this is what I would expect if whiskey came out of my kitchen sink. Jack Daniels Single Barrel is good, but I’ve certainly had better. It’s a friend, not a lover.

Bottle #20 finished on April 2, 2008.

New Texas Legislation Would Require Whiskey Bottles To Be Shot Out Of Air Immediately After Being Emptied

AUSTIN, TX—A new piece of legislation proposed yesterday on the floor of the Texas Legislature would require that all whiskey bottles be tossed overhead and shot clean out of the air the moment they are emptied. “Every Texan is responsible for disposing of his or her whiskey bottles in the proper fashion,” Plano lawmaker Mitch Travelstead said. “By law, this means no longer stopping to wipe your lips with your shirt sleeve, or howling like some rabid dog at that big yellow moon. It’s time we got serious.” While the new law will likely be strictly enforced, legislators maintained that those without access to firearms could also dispose of their whiskey bottles by having their children toss them off the back of a speeding pickup truck, or by depositing them into the nearest recycling bin.

The bottle looks a bit like a large grenade. It’s round and octagonal. The metal horsey would make an excellent Monopoly piece.

BOTTLE SPECIFICATIONS

CLASSIFICATION: Single Barrel Bourbon Whiskey
AGE: N/A
A.B.V.: 46.5% (93 proof U.S.
)SIZE: 750 mL
PRICE: Retails for $47.99
NOTES: “Dumped on 11-16-07  from Barrel #292, stored in Warehouse #4 on Rick #39.” I knew by looking at the bottle that the contents were stored at Rick #39. Some people try to say that my bottle of Blanton’s looks more like Rick #38, but I knew better.
Purchased on February 15, 2008. Opened the same night.

FIRST DRINK OF THE BOTTLE: The smell is intoxicating and sweet, like caramel (how cliche). A great combination of body and flavor. I enjoy it immensely. Blanton’s has a nice bite to it, especially after it’s gone down. Rich and sunny. This is a party bourbon, not an it’s-raining-outside bourbon. Somebody get my friends over here, stat!

LAST DRINK OF THE BOTTLE: It’s been a long while since I’ve tasted Blanton’s. Due to weird party timing, a bottle of Maker’s Mark found its way into the mix. Sadly, Blanton’s got pushed to the side (sorry, respectable bourbon maker). So here I go. Last drink of the bottle.

It’s all coming back to me. Tastes golden, like a natural wheat flavor. Very smooth. Definitely one of my favorites. Great balance of bite and flavor. What’s the word I’m looking for? pH? Let’s just say pH. The pH is awesome! Well-rounded and no bitterness. It’s so satisfying that it makes me appreciate my life. I wish this dewy blend was always at my disposal. That’s the word I was looking for: dew! Man, Blanton’s is good. More, more, more! — No more. Boo!

Bottle #19 finished on March 17, 2008.